Enduring the harshness of the elements.

Camping out is a very manly thing to do. So they say. While in Cincinnati, in order to limit my expenditures on lodging, I decided to camp out in the Whitewater Forest in Harrison, Ohio. At 18 dollars a day, only the YMCA in Hartford, Connecticut, could compete, but then that is a whole other type of wilderness.

I drove into the forest from Interstate 74 and found the State Park and the campground. I drove to my campsite, complete with electrical hookup. After setting up my tent and breaking out my lawn chair, I headed back out of the forest into Harrison to do some foraging. There I bought my supplies: Sliced turkey, pepperjack cheese, mayonnaise, some pita bread, some Heineken, some ice and a Duraflame log. Since it had rained very hard the night before, I figured any firewood gathered in the surrounding woods would be too wet to light and/or keep lit. Hence, the Duraflame.

For those of you who do not know, a Duraflame log is a piece of firewood (and I use the term “wood” loosely here) designed for use in a home fireplace. Actually, it is like a giant piece of dark-brown, hard wax shaped like a log. It’s easy to light, puts out a nice even flame and lasts for a long time.



I lit my trusty Durflame log, and just as the packing proclaimed, it was burning fully after five minutes. There I sat sipping a cold Heineken and eating a delicious Turkey Pita Sandwich in my fold-away lawn chair while watching my nice campfire as the sun set. The flame was indeed very pleasant and steady and it enhanced the ambience of the campground particularly along with the sounds of crickets, and the soothing sounds of the Interstate Highway traffic rumbling along echoing from down the hill and the screaching jet planes landing and taking off at Cincinnati International nearby. It seems that the flight path went directly over my campsite. I could literally see the landing gear of the planes overhead especially in the very bright light of a very full moon.

This was all just fine and dandy, and actually I was enjoying doing manly things in the great outdoors. However, after about 5 Heinekens, three hours, and a big turkey sandwich, I was getting very tired and the Duraflame was still burning faithfully. So, I decided to pour a bottle of water on it so I could douse the flame and head for my sleeping bag.



Well, the water caused the Duraflame to crackle and complain and hiss and spit angrily. Then, stinking smoke began to billow from the thing and drift directly toward my tent. It was as if the angry spirit of the log was wreaking (or perhaps I should say reeking) revenge. Luckily the wind changed direction and the spirit was spirited away elsewhere.

The next morning I awoke to see the Duraflame still smoking and coughing. Would this thing ever die? I poured another bottle of water on it and again came the sounds of crackling and hissing. I broke camp and packed up my belongings and took off for downtown Cincy. Looking in my rearview mirror, I could see that the Duraflame had not yet given up and still persisted billowing clouds of smoke.

Note to self: I thought my problem would have been getting wet firewood lit, not putting out a Duraflame log that refused to die. Stick with real firewood next time.